How to Turn Feedback into Something You Can Act On
Hopefully you’re out there asking for and getting feedback regularly. That’s great! Now, if you’re getting a lot of feedback, we can pretty much...
8 min read
Kim Scott Jul 5, 2024 11:04:08 AM
Kim Scott is the author of Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity and Radical Respect: How to Work Together Better and co-founder of Radical Candor, a company that helps people put the ideas in her books into practice.
Almost everyone has questions about how to respond to negative feedback, whether they agree with the feedback or not. Around the time the first edition of Radical Candor came out, Helen Rumbelow wrote an article about the book.
While I enjoyed talking with Helen and was so happy that she immediately understood the difference between Radical Candor and Obnoxious Aggression, I later realized I'd failed to explain how to respond to negative feedback.
By not explaining how to handle negative feedback, I have given Helen the impression that pretty much all you can do when responding to negative feedback is to say thank you -- or as she put it with great good humor, “Thank you, sir, can I have another.”
By the end of the article, she does say she’s found a way to say thank you and mean it.
But her words made me realize that in general, I talk too much about giving feedback, and too little about getting and responding to negative feedback (criticism).
I was worried I gave Helen the idea that the only reply to criticism is to say thank you, that she wasn’t “allowed” to say so if she disagreed with it.
You are 100% allowed to disagree with feedback, however, when responding to negative feedback at work, there are some common mistakes to avoid.
One mistake is becoming argumentative. It's important to listen and understand the feedback without interrupting. Another mistake is resorting to the pocket veto — dismissing the feedback or not taking it seriously. This includes nodding and smiling while receiving it and then doing whatever you want, which is a form of Manipulative Insincerity.
It's important to act on the feedback and make changes if necessary. Additionally, avoid engaging in debates or criticizing the person providing the feedback instead of focusing on understanding their perspective. Try to clarify and understand the feedback without becoming defensive.
Another common mistake when responding to negative feedback is over-analyzing or over-participating during the feedback process, which can distract from understanding the feedback itself.
When deciding how to handle negative feedback, it's important to approach it with an open mind and a willingness to learn and grow. Take your time to process the feedback and find common ground with the person giving it.
Even if you disagree, find aspects that you can agree with and discuss your disagreement respectfully. Commit to a course of action and work together to find a solution. Remember, feedback is an opportunity for improvement and should be treated as a gift.
Below, I outline tips and examples for how to take feedback. By following these tips, you can create an environment of open, productive communication with your peers, fostering better working relationships and personal growth.
Read more in my LinkedIn Newsletter >>
One of the hardest things about deciding how to respond to negative feedback at work is not to react defensively. Defensiveness in the face of criticism is a perfectly natural response, and we should forgive ourselves and others for having it.
At Radical Candor, we emphasize that when soliciting criticism it’s helpful to “listen with the intent to understand, not to respond.”
This helps reduce your defensive reaction and gives you the information you need to decide whether or not you agree with the feedback.
The next step we recommend is “rewarding the candor,” but we haven’t talked a lot about how to do that if you disagree with the feedback.
“Rewarding the candor” does NOT mean just taking it. Sometimes you WILL disagree with feedback. However, your job in that moment is just to listen and understand... disagree later.
Rewarding the Candor does not mean just taking it. It's about showing that you are grateful to the person for being willing to criticize you.
When responding to negative feedback, it’s almost impossible to disagree without sounding defensive if you disagree too quickly.
But, you can and should tell the person that you disagree. If you just say, “Thank you for the feedback” through gritted teeth, you seem Manipulatively Insincere. It's better to take the time to respond to negative feedback and explain why you disagree.
Once, a CEO to whom I’d offered criticism told me the next day, “I reject that feedback -- but I love that you told me what you think! Do you want to hear why I disagree?”
Of course, I did -- and I actually felt better about my coaching of him after that because he’d been so totally open to criticism before that moment that I wondered if he was really hearing it.
Sometimes you are going to need to know how to respond to negative feedback at work that you disagree with. When responding to negative feedback, you don’t want to be defensive. But you don't want to feel muzzled either.
If you use Radical Candor -- if you state your position in a way that challenges directly and shows you care personally -- both you and the person who gave you feedback will be able to come away from the conversation feeling you heard their feedback, were grateful for it, and were considerate, not defensive, in the way you explained your point of view.
Here are my how-to-respond-to-negative-feedback-at-work examples and tips:
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For an article in Harvard Business Review, I teamed up with Liz Fosslien and Molly West Duffy, experts in emotions at work, to offer examples of how to take negative feedback that's poorly delivered.
Read the full article for more advice and specific examples of how to respond to negative feedback that's dripping with Obnoxious Aggression, Manipulative Insincerity, or Ruinous Empathy.
To think about feedback as a gift, it's important to shift your mindset and view feedback as a valuable opportunity for growth and improvement. Instead of seeing negative feedback as criticism or a personal attack, consider it as a thoughtful contribution that can help you learn and develop.
By embracing feedback with an open mind and recognizing the care behind it, you can reframe your perspective and appreciate the value it brings.
Here are some tips to help you think about feedback as a gift:
If somebody gave you a shirt that was the wrong size, you’d say thank you because they cared enough to buy you a gift. But you wouldn’t have to wear the shirt in the wrong size just because someone gave it to you.
If the shirt came from a person who’s going to give you more gifts in the future, you might tell that person what your shirt size is, or risk a lot more shirts in the wrong size.
Think of criticism as a very specific kind of gift. There are two ways in which negative feedback can be a gift. The person can be pointing out a problem that, now you’re aware of it, you can fix. OR, the person can be pointing out a problem that is not actually a problem.
Now that you are aware of what they think, you can give them an alternative point of view and perhaps change their mind.
If you never disagree with criticism, then you’re not taking full advantage of the gift.
When criticism is offered in good faith, it's a gift. It may not be the gift you wanted or even the gift you needed, but the very act of giving it is an act of caring.
We have found from personal experience and from clients that when responding to negative feedback, thinking about criticism in these terms often proves useful in understanding how to not be defensive when receiving feedback.
Remember, responding to negative feedback with compassion and openness can lead to a more helpful feedback culture.
When receiving feedback, managing your emotions is crucial. Here are some tips to help you handle your emotions effectively:
By implementing these tips, you can navigate feedback more effectively and use it as a tool for personal and professional development.
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Brandi Neal contributed reporting. Updating July 5, 2024.
Need help learning how to respond to negative feedback? Then you need The Feedback Loop (think Groundhog Day meets The Office), a 5-episode workplace comedy series starring David Alan Grier that brings to life Radical Candor’s simple framework for navigating candid conversations.
You’ll get an hour of hilarious content about a team whose feedback fails are costing them business; improv-inspired exercises to teach everyone the skills they need to work better together, and after-episode action plans you can put into practice immediately to up your helpful feedback EQ.
We’re offering Radical Candor readers 10% off the self-paced e-course. Follow this link and enter the promo code FEEDBACK at checkout.
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