From Complaining to Collaboration: Shifting 1:1 Dynamics 7 | 29

When your one-on-ones start sounding like therapy sessions with zero breakthroughs, it’s time to ask—what’s really going on here? Jason and Amy unpack a Reddit post from a manager caught in a swirl of venting, defiance, and total burnout from their team. They dive into what venting actually signals, why some people shoot down every idea (even the good ones), and how to rebuild trust when the whole vibe is off. Sometimes it’s not about “fixing” people—it’s about listening like you mean it and why “don’t bring me problems, bring me solutions” might be the most toxic advice you never meant to give. It’s a deep dive into messy middle management moments, complete with hard truths, small wins, and the uncomfortable art of getting unstuck—without just slapping on a smile and pretending everything’s fine.

Listen to the episode: 

Episode at a Glance: When 1:1s Go Sideways

Amy and Jason unpack a Reddit post from a manager who's deep in it—and break down how to move from frustrated feedback loops to real, honest conversations that build trust (instead of draining it).

This one’s for anyone stuck between team frustration and organizational inertia. The good news? Progress is still possible—and it starts with real talk.

Radical Candor Podcast Tips

• Tip number one. Acknowledge frustration and ask “What’s in our control?” It’s important to be clear that change is possible, but acknowledge that the person is frustrated. You might say something to the effect of: “Hey, I hear you're frustrated, and I want to support you. At the same time, let’s focus on what’s within our control and figure out how we can tackle it together.” 
  
  
• Tip number two. Explore resistance. Ask curious questions when you encounter pushback. For example: “I’ve noticed some pushback to the ideas I’ve shared. Can you help me understand what’s not working for you?” Strong emotions like frustration or venting often mask deeper concerns. Encouraging specificity helps you co-create simple, actionable next steps.
  
  
• Tip number three. Work to rebuild trust. Consistency builds through psychological safety and show-up for these conversations even when they’re difficult. Don’t be afraid to name unproductive patterns, such as: “I make suggestions, and you shut them down. It feels like we’re not making progress.” Naming the pattern can be helpful. Also, make a point of highlighting small wins because oftentimes there are small things that get better and can go unnoticed. Praise is more important than criticism and reinforces that change is possible.
  
  
• Tip number four: Use “We” language. When rebuilding trust, use inclusive language that reinforces solidarity. For example: “We’re in this together,” “I’ve got your back,” “I know you’ve had frustrating experiences with past managers, but I’m here with you now.” Also, celebrate any moment of specificity during one-on-ones. If a conversation has been vague or emotionally charged, even a small, clear point is worth acknowledging. That’s your entry point to deeper, more constructive dialogue.

Radical Candor Podcast Resources

• Transcript
• Effective 1:1s - Tips For One-on-One Meetings With Your Team | Radical Candor
• 7 Ways To Improve One-on-One Meetings | Radical Candor
• Have More Effective 1:1 Meetings | Radical Candor Podcast 2 | 9
• Resistant Direct Reports | Radical Candor Podcast 7 | 8
• The Go-To Question | Radical Candor Podcast 2 | 8
• Some direct reports have nothing to say during 1-on-1s | Reddit

The TLDR Radical Candor Podcast Transcript

[00:00:00] Jason Rosoff: Hello everybody and welcome to the Radical Candor podcast. I'm Jason Rosoff. 

[00:00:10] Amy Sandler: I'm Amy Sandler. Today we're gonna be tackling a situation many managers will recognize, which is, what do you do when you're one-on-ones with your team turn into venting sessions and your ideas are met with resistance and maybe even defiance. So I wanted to share with you a question that we stumbled across on Reddit. Quote, some direct reports have nothing to say during one-on-ones. All they do is vent about the leadership above me. I've been in this role for one and a half years. I've offered all kinds of support, Gallup style, everything, but they're defiant to every idea I propose. One person even got fired after turning against my supervisor. What else can I do? Jason, I think before I jump into this, do you wanna just define, when they said Gallup style, what you think may have been on their mind there before we get into the one-on-one issue? 

[00:01:10] Jason Rosoff: I was curious about that also. I was about to ask one of our friends.

[00:01:13] Amy Sandler: I was thinking it was about sort of strengths based, it's like Gall's, but I am, I'm just reading a few trainings into it. StrengthsFinder, 'cause they have the,

[00:01:24] Jason Rosoff: I don't think it's horse related. So my best guess is that it is Gallup, maybe strengths, the, there's the, what's the actual name of it?

[00:01:33] Amy Sandler: StrengthsFinder. Yeah.

[00:01:35] Jason Rosoff: CliftonStrengths. Which I think what they're trying to say is they have looked to the world, wider world for ideas of how to show support to people, and none of the expert advice that they've received so far has been helpful. That's, that's how I interpret it. 

[00:01:52] Amy Sandler: Yeah, that's what, that's what I was thinking as well, whether it was actually using StrengthsFinder or just leveraging research that Gallup is, is known for in terms of what works best in the workplace. So this person is, and by the way, it's not just this person, it's saying some direct reports.

[00:02:10] Jason Rosoff: Yeah, it sounds like multiple people.

[00:02:10] Amy Sandler: Yeah. So I think I just wanted to highlight that, that this is not a one and done. The one consistency piece is that it's that I am the same person in all of these different relationships. So just naming that as we think about what advice we might be able to give this person on Reddit at the far end. Somebody even got fired after turning against the letter writer's supervisor. So where do you wanna start? 

[00:02:35] Jason Rosoff: I think the place to start is to say that there is a not so fine line between unhelpful complaining and some combination of distress, confusion, or frustration with the actual policies that are happening in an organization. And I think that if I was this person and I had multiple people spending their entire one-on-one saying that they were concerned, worried, frustrated about the policies in the organization, I think it would be pretty important to treat that as signal rather than noise. And I don't think that this person's completely discounting the person who wrote to us, or wrote the question rather, is completely discounting everything that people are saying. But I wanna unpack like the receiver's emotions. So like me as the manager, it is hard to listen to people be frustrated with things all the time. That is not fun. And so I think there's a temptation sometimes to be like, oh, a bunch of complainers, as opposed to feeling like I should be listening to what these folks are saying because even though it's hard for me to hear, they're probably bringing, and maybe some of this is even out of my control, they're probably bringing up things that are valid and there might be some useful data in there.

[00:04:00] Amy Sandler: Yeah, as you were talking, I was thinking about, we did a podcast about kind of managing in the middle where you've gotta deal with just, you know, sort of potentially implementing decisions or policies that you may not agree with, but you're in that role and then having these direct reports. And so just naming that this is somebody who's definitely kind of in the middle of things, that they've got a leader, they've got direct reports, they, they're feeling, I'm feeling some kind of powerlessness there in terms of how they're, they've been there for one and a half years. They clearly wanna offer support.

[00:04:34] They said they've offered all kinds of support, but they're defiant to every idea that I propose. So your first kind of note was this idea that this is a signal, it's information that people don't feel heard. And one of the things that we often talk about is how, what do you think venting signals as just sort of a warning sign, whether for me as the manager, my own relationship building or broader about the process. I guess I'm wondering what would be your next step of like how, how would you learn more about what your direct reports are trying to tell you?

[00:05:12] Jason Rosoff: Well, I think this is the classic spot where listening skills become pretty important. I would put a real strong emphasis on being able to articulate what it is that you're hearing in these conversations. Your hypothesis is right, which is that venting is often the result of people feeling dismissed or not heard. It comes out as frustration because they feel like, hey, I tried to say the thing, but no one's really listening to me. I kind of feel like all that's left is to complain about it. I've exhausted my other options. But demonstrating that you really hear the person is quite valuable. Because one of the things that I know from having been in a situation not entirely dissimilar from what the writer is describing is that sometimes when you become deeply frustrated with a situation, you start nitpicking. You look for the faults in everything. The signal is noisy and you have to weed through it. My goal would be to say, what I'm hearing from you is that this, this, and this are really frustrating and really important. I would say, can you help me understand the priority? If we could address one of these things, which of these things would you want to address first? What's the most pressing for you? My guess is that not everything inside of that vent is equally important. 

[00:06:33] Amy Sandler: And in terms of the Radical Candor approach with asking for feedback, that would mean, what am I doing that's contributing to the venting or to the frustration? So it sounded like you're trying to help them prioritize. How important is it that you as the manager start building that trust by starting first, by soliciting feedback about what you might be doing that's causing the venting? 

[00:06:58] Jason Rosoff: Yeah, I think, before I was, I think in my mind that is a helpful thing to do once you feel like you under, once you feel like you understand what it is that they're saying. Because what I would be trying to do, is ask a more specific question, which is, so let's say one of the major issues is, just make something up, but like shift allocation or something like that. Like this is a thing that people are often frustrated with, which is like, why am I always on the dinner shift? I wanna be on the lunch shift. It has real consequences for like picking up kids from school and whatever, whatever.

[00:07:33] There can be real frustration there. And if the person is coming to me and saying, you know, shift allocation feels unfair and I don't have all the right equipment and like, it's hard because like one of our vendors isn't responding to us all the time. And you know, yesterday, you know, Dave moved my food in the refrigerator during lunchtime. You know what I'm saying? The frustration builds up and you're like, tell, tell, like, what's the thing that's like affecting you most? And because I, maybe I have influence over shift allocation, even if I don't have the actual decision making power, maybe the decision doesn't lie with me, but I can influence it.

[00:08:11] That's when I would solicit feedback to say like, what could I do to better, one, understand your needs for shift allocation, and two, better advocate for you. Like do you, in what way do you feel like I'm, I'm, I'm not delivering for you as your, as your manager when it comes to getting you the shifts that you need. Because I, I found that I think if you ask a general question, when someone's already sort of like far down the path of being frustrated with everything, you're probably still gonna get noise back. That they'll probably tell you the most recent thing that pissed them off as opposed to the thing that really matters to them.

[00:08:53] Amy Sandler: So if I hear you, just to kind of make sure that I'm getting a clear signal, is if somebody's venting and there's a lot going on, even before I might ask for feedback about what I could do better, I wanna actually make sure that I understand specifically what the issue is so I can ask a better question.

[00:09:13] Jason Rosoff: Yes. Because I like, my worry would be if I ask sort, if I ask someone like that general question that I'm either, it might come off as insincere or it might like, I feel like I would be worried that I'd be adding to the problem. Now, that might not be true for everybody. Like Kim likes to say that the best time to ask somebody for feedback is when they're annoyed. But I think sometimes when we're really activated, our brain suffers more, like more than average from recency bias, and we tend to sort of spit out the thing that is most on our mind right at that moment as opposed to what's really important to us. 

[00:09:52] Amy Sandler: I think that is such a helpful note and it also really goes a little bit deeper into our guidance around asking for feedback and, and the idea with different go-to questions, like different go-to questions are gonna land differently for different people. Like some people do like a broad question. You know, how can we work better together? What's something I could do that would make this a better working relationship? But many people like something very specific, like to your point, you know, there's a lot of things that have been frustrating you. I would like to understand specifically when it comes to shift allocation, like what is the top frustration for you or something like that you're suggesting maybe starting with something a little more specific in this case, because there's this broader emotional response, this person is identified. 

[00:10:37] Jason Rosoff: Correct, because I think the way out of this level of frustration is taking small, positive steps to try to resolve things. Like figuring out what is within one scope of control to address, because there may be nothing to be done about some of these issues. It may be impossible for the two people sitting in this one-on-one conversation to address the reason why they don't have all the equipment that they would like to have for that particular job because of budget issues. There's no flexibility. There's just no money in the budget to buy another tool that they would most like to be working with. I think in that case, that becomes a parking lot issue for my perspective, which is basically like, hey, we know we don't have budget for it this year.

[00:11:21] We're gonna put that into the parking lot so that when budget time comes around next year, I can advocate on your behalf to get that included. Complaining about it every week from now until then, it's not gonna do any like the, there's, there's no like, magical solution. And so I think if, if we circle the drain on that, it's gonna continue to feel really frustrating. Instead say, we know when we're gonna deal with that. Let's figure out how we can make today and tomorrow better by taking some small steps in the right direction. 

[00:11:52] Amy Sandler: Yeah. And it also sounds like, in addition to identifying, you know, what's the next step I can do, then asking, you know, how you can be a better partner, soliciting feedback. You're also talking about how can I challenge directly with compassion for this person, right? Like, how can I kind of name the behavior that I'm observing while being mindful that this person, you know, there might be some emotional reactivity there. 

[00:12:17] Jason Rosoff: Yeah, and I think of this as a way to, it's not so much about challenging them. Uh, I mean, if we think about, the way that I tend to think about venting is it's like a heart and a head problem, right? You're like in your feelings or you're over analyzing or over intellectualizing. And the solution is to get the hands involved to do something different than you're doing today. And I think that if it's going to be possible to work together, you have to find some way to make progress, right? You can't just be stuck. And so going back to the way the original question was written, like someone actually got, on his team got fired for undermining his supervisor.

[00:13:04] And I, I don't wanna say that the supervisor was wrong for firing that person. And I don't wanna say that the person was wrong for venting about it. Like, I don't know enough about what actually transpired. But what I will say is that at some point you have to challenge the notion that simply complaining about things in a one-on-one is an answer to a problem. The notion has to be like, we have to either find some way to live with what's going on or change it, and here are the things that we can change and here are the things that we have to decide to live with.

[00:13:46] Or maybe I can help you find another job someplace else in the company, outside the company. If you really can't live with this and we can't change it, I don't want us to, you know, both make each other miserable, essentially, indefinitely. I don't think that, that's, if the person's still doing good work, I don't think it's a reason to fire them. Someone being unhappy doesn't seem like a reason to fire them. It seems like a reason to either find a way to change the conditions of the job to make it easier for them to be happy or to help them find another job. 

[00:14:19] Amy Sandler: It is interesting 'cause as you're talking, I was thinking about some meditation advice that I've heard kind of over the years, which is that if you think about sometimes in a meditation, it's like you're really trying to just constantly go back to the breath and not let your mind wander. And that can almost cause some, you know, then the thoughts keep coming in versus if it's like there's this horse and it can run free and let it sort of just run free and run itself out. And so the equivalent in my mind was almost like, you know what if we say, okay, we've got a 30 minute one-on-one. I know there's a lot of stuff that's been really frustrating about what's happening at the office right now, and there's so much that's out of our control. So I wanna use our time to really focus on what's in our control. But let me give you, you know, a couple of minutes to just,

[00:15:05] Jason Rosoff: Let the horse run free.

[00:15:05] Amy Sandler: Talk to me about like, let that horse run free. Just like, almost like manage the venting

[00:15:11] Jason Rosoff: Back to the Gallup story,

[00:15:11] Amy Sandler: The way the person feels. Yeah. Always the Gallup. Jason, can we just end it there? That was a perfect callback. But what do you think about that? Of just like giving that person sort of the, the space to feel heard while naming like, this is not like we are in a, in a business where we need to get stuff done. 

[00:15:30] Jason Rosoff: Yeah, I'm all for it. To me, what I would far rather managing my own emotion, like listening to someone be upset, like, and having them tell me what they honestly think. I think that's a much better state to be in than to be in the state of like, there's a bunch of unsaid things causing a bunch of problems for people. And so I do think you need to create some space. And I don't know where exactly where the line is, but at some point, like, you know, two things.

[00:15:58] Amy Sandler: Is it like 23 minutes of real conversation and three minutes of venting?

[00:16:03] Jason Rosoff: You know what I'm saying? Like how long can this go on? There's a judgment call to be made there. But that's why I, I think my focus would be, can we find some way to agree on, on small improvements that we can make and see if that, like we have to build some momentum. We have to, in a positive direction. Like there's lots of stuff that's gonna drag us back to being frustrated. And I'm not saying that what we're proposing here is gonna change everything magically for the better, but we have to at least agree like there's some way for us to make progress. And that doesn't mean that you can never be annoyed again or frustrated again, or you can never let the horse run wild again. But I think at some point it's just like for both, for the sake of both of your sanity, like you need to make some kind of progress. And my experience is it's very rare for people to be so entrenched in their unhappiness, frustration, that they're unwilling to even try to make progress, you know, you, you know, like that.

[00:17:03] Amy Sandler: And also, it's not just to one person, this is multiple people. So, you know, is this what's happening culturally in some way, perhaps, where people don't necessarily feel empowered to make those changes. 

[00:17:14] Jason Rosoff: Yes. Complaining can become a culture on a team also.

[00:17:17] Amy Sandler: That's right.

[00:17:18] Jason Rosoff: Like it can be a way that people relate to each other. And when I was, the shifts allocation thing was coming from a real example, this is early in my career. There was a person on a team that I was working on that did shift work. So there were three eight hour shifts, 24 hour day. There was a person who's sort of a spoiler on the team who would get people riled up all the time about things. And it was amazing. I didn't realize what was going on. It actually took quite a while for me to figure this out because the person didn't complain to me directly. They were doing this all sort of behind, behind my back. It wasn't just about me like they, they were doing this in a way that I couldn't easily observe it happening. What was, the way I figured it out was I was changing people's shifts and it was amazing because when people weren't on the shift with Ray, they all of a sudden they were happier. 

[00:18:08] Amy Sandler: Have names been changed to protect the innocent?

[00:18:11] Jason Rosoff: Yes.

[00:18:11] Amy Sandler: Okay, good. 

[00:18:12] Jason Rosoff: So I just think about that as a hard lesson, which is that sometimes the culture can be defined by the act of being annoyed or upset at things. And I think that it can be okay if everybody's sort of on the same page. When I think about my work in restaurants, there's a lot of complaining in restaurants, and it was sort of a way of life because it's really hard work. It's physically demanding. It's emotionally draining. What's the saying? This job would be great if it wasn't for the customers. So I think in some situations it can be okay, but there are others. And it sounds like this person is in one of them. Where it's not just, it's not casual, right? It's actually like getting in the way of people being productive. 

[00:18:58] Amy Sandler: And somebody also lost their, lost their job.

[00:19:01] Jason Rosoff: Right.

[00:19:01] Amy Sandler: And you know what, Jason, what we, what's coming up as you were sharing the restaurant story was something that comes up a lot in our workshops, which is the behavior of manipulative insincerity, which is that, you know, low care, low challenge. At its worse, it's, you know, political backstabbing, but very often it's the talking about people, the complaining, the venting. I'm always interested in kind of what's the unmet need here. Very often, this sort of complaining, this venting, we've talked about that the unmet need. There, there is a need for us to feel belonging. There is a need for us to sort of connect with our coworkers and very often, like the quickest and easiest way to do it is through potentially this, this venting. So I just kind of wanted to name that. And also, I think you had mentioned this to me years ago, which is that sometimes we feel like, well, if I vent enough, someone else will fix the problem for me.

[00:19:54] And so I just, I kind of wanted to go back to that idea of, in the one-on-one, my responsibility is the direct report. Because sometimes I will hear in certain cultures, you know, don't bring me problems, bring me solutions. And my understanding of Radical Candor on that has been, we might not always have a solution. Like I might not know what the exact solution is. But what I am committed to is that yes, I may bring you a problem and I'm committed to sort of at least co-creating with you or hearing your perspective on how to think about the solution. But I'm just curious, like what is your current thinking on that sort of don't bring problems, bring solutions, and how that might apply to this situation? 

[00:20:35] Jason Rosoff: Yeah, I think that's really bad advice for a manager to give their direct report because ultimately that means that managers just won't hear about the problems that are, that people are facing. But I think it's pretty good advice to give yourself. The reason, I think the context in which we talked about this, this has been quite a long time ago, was when I was at Khan Academy and Ben and I were, you know, we'd have these sessions where we'd sort of like say, oh, this is wrong and that's wrong, and the other thing is wrong and there's this really dangerous thing, which is that when you do that, your brain gives you like little releases like dopamine and it feels good to sort of say those things. And then you like go to bed, but you haven't solved any of your problems.

[00:21:15] You've just said the things that are wrong. And that was a, like we got into, we decided at some point that like we, you know, we would, there would be some amount of time where we would have the, like, these are the things that are wrong conversation and then some amount of time where we talk about like, what are we gonna do to correct it? But I think if my, it would've been bad if I felt like I couldn't express what was wrong because not only is it sometimes not obvious what the solution is, it's useful. Like in theory going to your manager to say, you know, I'm struggling with this.

[00:21:50] There's a big difference between saying, look, I'm struggling with this. This is what I, how I've been thinking about, or this is what I've tried. But I just, I don't have an answer. Like I just don't know what to do. It's really frustrating. Like that's a very different conversation than this sucks and that sucks and everything sucks and I'm just really annoyed at everything all the time. But if you say, don't bring me problems, bring me solutions, you might not get that first conversation. That would be a disaster. 

[00:22:14] Amy Sandler: So well said. I mean, it really is ultimately like we've gotta take responsibility for, you know, what we can manage, whether we are a direct report or a manager, and that the manager is there to support you and it's up to you as the direct report to take some responsibility. So before we wrap, we always like to do some role plays. Jason, are you up up for doing a quick one? Okay. So I will have you be the manager. I'm gonna be the direct report. I think I, we always like to call me Alex in these, I wanna keep the conversation open and collaborative. That's the goal, at least for, I'm gonna instruct you as the manager and so that my perspective as Alex has a valued perspective. So the scenario here, I am shooting down every suggestion you make during our one-on-one, over to you.

[00:23:05] Jason Rosoff: Okay. Hey, Alex, I appreciate you chatting with me today. You know, we've been talking about this for a little while now, and I, I've started to notice what seems like a pattern to me where I suggest ideas or approaches and you find fault or problems with each of those things. So what, whatever I bring up, you sort of shoot down. And I wanna understand that better because it feels like I'm missing something here. Like, to me, it feels like I am not either I'm suggesting things, I don't think that all my ideas are actually bad. I suspect that what's happening is I'm not really solving your problem, so can you help me understand better what isn't working about the way I'm proposing these solutions to you?

[00:23:49] Amy Sandler: Yeah. Thank you. Well, look, you know, you've been here a year and a half. I've been here 15 years, 10 years in this role. And first of all, you know, a really good friend of mine got fired for, you know, what I thought was really legitimate feedback. And I just think that your ideas, like they're all well and good, you know, maybe it's what you learned in business school, but that's just not how this works here. Like that's just not the reality. 

[00:24:17] Jason Rosoff: Yeah. I hear you. And you know, I'm really sorry that things wound up the way they did with Sam. I know that you two were close, and I appreciate how frustrated you are with how things have, uh, been happening here to date. Is there anything specific? Like I hear you saying that my suggestions just won't fit with the way that we do things. Is there anything more specific that you can give me about why my suggestions won't work so that I can learn how to maybe craft better solutions?

[00:24:59] Amy Sandler: Yeah. I just feel like a new person comes in, they try something, it just never works. So I just feel like nothing ever changes here no matter what we do. 

[00:25:11] Jason Rosoff: Yeah. You know, I've been here a year and a half, and I agree that things change slowly, but I do notice that some things change. I'm wondering, even though I can't fix everything, if there's a way for us to focus on some small improvements that we could make together to try to improve the situation for you and for me, because ultimately I'm gonna be a lot happier and I think you're gonna be a lot happier if we can fix at least some of the things that have been frustrating you.

[00:25:43] Amy Sandler: Yeah, well, you know, we've been talking a lot about the shift change decisions, and I just feel like nobody ever asks my opinion. I go from morning to night, morning to night, and it just, I can't, I just feel like the rug keeps getting pulled out from under me, and so I just don't get why nobody asks what I think would be a good idea or how that might land for me.

[00:26:10] Jason Rosoff: I really do appreciate how logistically difficult the change of shifting has been for you. I want to find a better solution. Here's what, I hope you'll hear me what I say, I'm asking for your perspective, and I know that I need to earn your trust to actually listen to your suggestions to implement solutions to your suggestions, but I want you to know that that is changing that, that I am making commitment to you to really listen to your input and to do the best I can to make sure that input is considered when we make these decisions. And, you know, I'm all ears. Like if you have a specific idea for how we could rearrange things on the night shift or the day shift to make it, uh, easier for you and for others involved, like, I wanna hear about it.

[00:27:00] Amy Sandler: Alex has some baggage. Look, Alex has been here a while, and you're not gonna earn Alex's trust because I feel like Alex, where, I was like getting into Alex's head a little and I was like, I've told, you know, 10 other managers about this shift. Like I'm just, I don't have the energy now. I feel really burnt out. Like I'm gonna tell you this is why we should do it at 8:00 AM and you're gonna just make a decision and not include me. So I'm sort of, I'm done. 

[00:27:28] Jason Rosoff: Yeah, I have worked with people like that who have been serially disappointed by their managers, and I will say like there're light at the end of that tunnel. Like it is possible to win people, not everybody can be won back, but I think it is possible to win folks like that back by being consistent and delivering on your commitments. It doesn't mean, and I think one of the mistakes that people make is when they have someone's really frustrated, they're like, ah, I'm gonna fix that. I'm gonna make everything better.

[00:27:57] Amy Sandler: Chocolate milk in the lunchroom for everyone. 

[00:27:59] Jason Rosoff: They overcommit and then under deliver, and then the person is just convinced that the pattern is repeating itself's.

[00:28:05] Amy Sandler: So, so what would be like a realistic, like next step that would be like, if I said, I can't do these evening shifts, I have to do the morning shifts, and you knew that you weren't gonna be able to get me the morning shift, like how would you thread that needle to try to be candid with me, but also that you've heard what I had to say.

[00:28:24] Jason Rosoff: I, I think what I would say is, look, part of the job is doing some evening shifts. I can't make it so that there's no night shift work in this job. That's not possible. But one thing that might be possible is for us to talk about the night shifts that you're going to get. How can we work around family commitments or other things that you have going on when it is practically interfering with your life? I'd like to know about that so that I can try to schedule around those things, but I'm not going to promise to take them completely off the table 'cause it's just not feasible. 

[00:28:54] Amy Sandler: Wanna get into our tips? 

[00:28:55] Jason Rosoff: Let's do it. 

[00:28:57] Amy Sandler: All right. 

[00:29:00] Jason Rosoff: Alright, so here is our Radical Candor checklist, tips you can use to put Radical Candor into practice right away. Tip number one, acknowledge frustration and ask, what is in our control? What is in your control person who, who is feeling frustrated? It's important to be clear that, that there is at least the possibility of, of change, but to very, give voice to the fact that the person is really frustrated. So you might say something like, Hey, I hear you're frustrated. I wanna support you. At the same time, I want us to focus on what's within our control and how can we tackle that together. 

[00:29:44] Amy Sandler: Tip number two, explore resistance. So ask curious questions when people push back. So for example, I've noticed some pushback to the ideas I've shared with you. Can you help me understand what's not working for you? Get more specific. Very often when there's strong emotions like venting, frustration, we want to help this person get more specific with us so that we can then together co-create more simple next steps. 

[00:30:13] Jason Rosoff: Tip number three, work to be rebuild trust. Consistency builds psychological safety, like keep showing up to these conversations even when they're hard. Don't be afraid to name the pattern that you're in, which is, you know, I, I make suggestions. You shoot them down. It feels like we're not making progress. That can, naming that I think can be really helpful. And the other thing that you can do is you can talk about even small wins that you, you have seen. Because often there are small things that, that get better and they sort of go unnoticed. This is why we say, you know, focus on the good stuff. Praise is even more important than criticism. Find, find those small wins and, and talk about them because part of what you're doing is helping the person believe that change is possible.

[00:31:01] Amy Sandler: Yeah. Building on that, I'll add tip four. Jason, even in how you are languaging the rebuilding of trust you are using that we. Like, we're in this together. I've got your back. I know that you've been frustrated by previous managers, previous experience, but I am with you on this and I think also it's a really great note on specific and sincere praise, even acknowledging in the one-on-one when that person gives you any nugget of specificity. Like that is where we like, if that's where you have to start, 'cause it's all been sort of vague and venting, like that seems like a great place to really acknowledge. 

[00:31:36] Jason Rosoff: I love that. 

[00:31:38] Amy Sandler: All right, well head on over to RadicalCandor.com/podcast. You can get the show notes for this episode. You can now watch our podcast on YouTube and Spotify. Praise in public, criticize in private. If you like what you see and hear, we hope you do, rate and review us wherever you're listening or you're watching. Please do share the episode. If you've got feedback for us, a question for a future episode, we love getting feedback. We love getting questions. We can feature them just like we did here. Go ahead, email us podcast@RadicalCandor.com. Wishing the Reddit manager good fortune with this challenge and for all of us who might get a little frustrated from time to time, let your horse run free and take responsibility for yourself as well. We can do both things. Bye for now. 

[00:32:29] Jason Rosoff: Take care. 

[00:32:30] Amy Sandler: The Radical Candor Podcast is based on the book, Radical Candor Be a Kick Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity by Kim Scott. Episodes are written and produced by Brandi Neal, with script editing by me, Amy Sandler. The show features Radical Candor co-founders Kim Scott and Jason Rosoff, and is hosted by me still, Amy Sandler. Nick Carissimi is our audio engineer. The Radical Candor, podcasting music was composed by Cliff Goldmacher. Follow us on LinkedIn, Radical Candor the company, and visit us at RadicalCandor.com.

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The Radical Candor Podcast is based on the book Radical Candor: Be A Kickass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity by Kim Scott.

Episodes are written and produced by Brandi Neal with script editing by Amy Sandler. The show features Radical Candor co-founders Kim Scott and Jason Rosoff and is hosted by Amy Sandler. Nick Carissimi is our audio engineer.

The Radical Candor Podcast theme music was composed by Cliff Goldmacher. Order his book: The Reason For The Rhymes: Mastering the Seven Essential Skills of Innovation by Learning to Write Songs.

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