Tips to Avoid Obnoxiously Aggressive Praise

Obnoxiously Aggressive praise happens when you say something positive but it doesn't feel sincere — for example, starting feedback with "I know you're a genius, but…" or offering compliments that feel hollow or performative. In the Radical Candor framework, it signals that you're not truly Caring Personally, even if you think you're being kind. The praise lands as insincere because it lacks genuine intent or specificity.

The key is to only praise what you genuinely admire — don't say it if you don't mean it. When you notice something impressive, say so immediately and specifically. Timely, specific praise is far more credible than delayed or vague compliments. Focus on the work itself rather than personality traits, and speak up with the same energy you'd use to flag something that isn't good enough.

No — praise isn't about ego-stroking. It's a teaching tool. When you praise great work clearly and specifically, you help the person and everyone around them understand what good looks like, why it matters, and how to replicate it. Radical Candor frames praise as essential feedback that turns great work into insanely great work. Skipping praise deprives your team of valuable signal about what to keep doing.

Both, but lean toward public. Praise in person first so you can gauge whether the person is surprised — if they are, it's a sign you haven't been praising enough. Then go further: mention accomplishments in big meetings, in front of your boss, in front of the whole team. Follow up via email, reply-all, or written notes. Public praise also helps everyone learn what excellent work looks like.

When people experience you as someone who genuinely notices and celebrates good work, they trust that your criticism comes from the same honest, caring place. Radical Candor is built on the combination of Caring Personally and Challenging Directly. A track record of sincere praise builds the psychological safety that makes critical feedback land as helpful rather than threatening. Simply put: the more you praise, the more open people become to hearing hard truths.