Why We Don’t Do What We Know We Should: Beliefs, Habits, and AI Practice with Nir Eyal

[00:00:03] Kim Scott: Hello everybody, and welcome to the Radical Candor podcast. I’m Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor and Radical Respect, and with me is the fabulous Nir Eyal. Welcome!

[00:00:17] Nir Eyal: Thank you so much. It’s great to be here with you, Kim. I’m Nir Eyal, author of Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products and Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life.

[00:00:27] Kim Scott: And don’t you have a forthcoming book? Are you allowed to talk about it?

[00:00:29] Nir Eyal: I do. I have another book coming out in March called Beyond Belief.

[00:00:33] Kim Scott: Excellent. I’m excited to hear about all three, but first let’s talk about AI—because you really can’t avoid it right now. You recently launched a Google portrait, and I did as well. I have my reasons, and some new ones too, but what motivated you to launch yours?

[00:01:01] Nir Eyal: At a high level, it was a way to reach more people and scale the research I’ve done. Right now, the way to access that research is to read my books—or call me, which can be time-consuming and expensive. The portrait allows people to ask quick questions or run ideas through my models.

It’s been great. I’ve really enjoyed seeing the kinds of questions people ask. It’s given me insight into recurring themes and even sparked ideas for new writing. What’s your experience been like?

[00:01:36] Kim Scott: Very similar. Ever since Radical Candor came out, I’ve been thinking about scalability. I originally wrote the book because I’m a human being—and humans don’t scale.

I was coaching a few people in Silicon Valley. Some of them mentioned it publicly, and suddenly I had many more requests than I could handle. You can’t coach more than three to five people well without neglecting someone.

So I wrote the book to scale myself. Ironically, it quadrupled the problem. I had even more people reaching out with questions. I wanted to have all those conversations—but doing so meant neglecting my husband and children. I didn’t want that.

In some sense, the portrait answers questions about my past work, freeing me to live my present life and write something new.

[00:02:51] Nir Eyal: That’s a great point. How was the refinement process for you? I worked closely with Google to refine not just the content but also the tone and voice. It took several iterations to get it sounding like me.

At first, it didn’t. It sounded oddly adolescent—everything ended with an upward inflection. Eventually, my AI escaped puberty and started sounding like a grown adult.

[00:03:24] Kim Scott: That’s funny. In my case, people often say they dislike the sound of my voice. If you look at the most negative Amazon reviews of my audiobook, many complain that I read it myself.

I probably took that feedback too seriously. For the second edition, we hired an actor to narrate it. Later I thought, “Wait a minute—people don’t like my voice because I’m a woman with a high pitch. I’m not going to lower it to please them.”

Google tweaked the portrait’s voice so it felt less grating—at least to me.

On the content side, my co-founder Jason Rosoff had already built an AI trained on our podcast and blog posts, so we had an API ready for Google to plug into. We’ve continued refining it.

At one point, it kept asking, “How does that make you feel?” Once per conversation is fine—but not four times. Google has been very open to iteration.

[00:05:48] Kim Scott: Here’s the most interesting thing I’ve learned. People worry that AI will replace human relationships. I think that fear is misplaced. We know when we’re talking to AI.

But what AI can do—better than anything else I’ve seen—is help people practice difficult conversations.

Radical Candor is about putting your phone away and having real conversations. Books help somewhat. Even coaching helps. But people often resist role-playing with another person. They don’t resist practicing with AI.

They don’t feel judged. They’re willing to experiment. In that sense, AI may be one of the best tools we’ve ever had for rehearsing important conversations.

[00:07:40] Nir Eyal: That’s a beautiful insight. In Hooked, I wrote about reducing friction. The less taxing a behavior is, the more likely it is to occur.

Practicing with another person can feel intimidating. With AI, there’s less cognitive load and less fear of judgment—so people are more willing to try.

[00:09:03] Nir Eyal: That connects to my new book, Beyond Belief, which explores how beliefs shape what we see, feel, and do.

We all have limiting beliefs—scripts that prevent us from being our best selves. I’ve been exploring how AI might help surface those beliefs so we can replace them with what I call liberating beliefs.

What limiting beliefs do you see most often in the workplace?

[00:10:00] Kim Scott: A big one is: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

That belief silences people. There’s also a deeper belief that staying small and silent keeps you safe. But as Audre Lorde said, “Your silence will not protect you.”

We have both limiting and empowering beliefs on our shoulders. Your book helps people quiet the limiting ones and amplify the empowering ones.

[00:14:35] Nir Eyal: One of the key takeaways from writing the book is that beliefs are tools, not truths.

A fact is true whether you believe it or not. A belief is a conviction open to revision based on evidence. We can choose our beliefs—and let them go when they stop serving us.

Placebos don’t fix broken bones or cure cancer. But they dramatically alter perception. Pain happens in the brain. Change the belief, and you can change the experience.

[00:28:01] Nir Eyal: One major insight from Indistractable is that time management is pain management.

Everything we do is about escaping discomfort—even the pursuit of pleasure. Craving itself is uncomfortable.

Addiction, for example, isn’t about feeling good. It’s about returning to baseline—escaping the discomfort of craving.

[00:29:25] Kim Scott: That resonates. I once had terrible poison oak, and the itching was unbearable. Putting my arm under hot water created this intense relief—it felt euphoric.

It was the cessation of pain that felt so good.

[00:23:30] Kim Scott: When I’ve struggled with workplace motivation, reframing meaning helped.

A coach once told me about being stuck on a tarmac for hours with his four young sons. He realized: “This is where I am. I can bring what I value most into this moment.”

That shift—from wishing to be elsewhere to investing meaning in the present—made all the difference.

[00:41:48] Nir Eyal: Even when people know what to do, they often don’t do it. That’s what led me to Beyond Belief. Knowledge isn’t enough. Belief drives action.

[00:43:24] Kim Scott: With Radical Candor, people want to want to speak up—but in the moment, they hesitate.

The shift for me was realizing that withholding feedback to “be nice” can cause greater harm. I once avoided giving honest feedback to someone I liked. Eventually, I had to fire him. That wasn’t kind.

Now I ask myself: What are the three unimportant things I can leave unsaid today? That helps clarify what truly matters.

[00:45:17] Nir Eyal: My wife and I have been married nearly 25 years. We only bring up issues that are important enough that we must address them. That keeps conversations meaningful.

[00:46:22] Kim Scott: At a wedding I attended, there were signs above the toilets: “If it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down.”

The bride’s godfather said those are words to stay married by. Sometimes you let it mellow. But sometimes, you flush it down.

[00:47:05] Kim Scott: This has been such a great conversation. I love Hooked and Indistractable, and I’m excited for Beyond Belief.

[00:47:22] Nir Eyal: Thank you so much. This was a real pleasure.

[00:47:26] Kim Scott: I really enjoyed it. Take care.

[00:47:26] Nir Eyal: Thank you. Bye-bye.

[00:47:26] Kim Scott: Bye.

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Episodes are written and produced by Brandi Neal with script editing by Amy Sandler. The show features Radical Candor co-founders Kim Scott and Jason Rosoff and is hosted by Amy Sandler. Nick Carissimi is our audio engineer.

The Radical Candor Podcast theme music was composed by Cliff Goldmacher. Order his book: The Reason For The Rhymes: Mastering the Seven Essential Skills of Innovation by Learning to Write Songs.

Transcript lightly edited for readability. Full transcript available on request.