Candor vs. Honesty: Why I Didn't Call It Radical Honesty

Developing trust is not simply a matter of "do x, y, and z, and you have a good relationship." Like all human bonds, the connections between bosses and the people who report to them are unpredictable and not subject to absolute rules.

But I have identified two dimensions that, when paired, will help you move in a positive direction.

What Does It Mean to Care Personally?

The first dimension is about being more than "just professional." It's about giving a damn, sharing more than just your work self, and encouraging everyone who reports to you to do the same.

It's not enough to care only about people's ability to perform a job. To have a good relationship, you have to be your whole self and care about each of the people who work for you as a human being.

It's not just business; it is personal, and deeply personal. I call this dimension "Care Personally."

What Does It Mean to Challenge Directly?

The second dimension involves telling people when their work isn't good enough, and when it is; when they are not going to get that new role they wanted, or when you're going to hire a new boss "over" them; when the results don't justify further investment in what they're working on.

Delivering hard feedback, making hard calls about who does what on a team, and holding a high bar for results, isn't that obviously the job of any manager?

But most people struggle with doing these things. Challenging people generally pisses them off, and at first that doesn't seem like a good way to build a relationship or to show that you "care personally."

And yet challenging people is often the best way to show them that you care when you're the boss. This dimension I call "Challenge Directly."

Radical Candor Is What Happens When You Do Both

Radical Candor builds trust and opens the door for the kind of communication that helps you achieve the results you're aiming for. And it directly addresses the fears that people express to me when asking questions about the management dilemmas they face.

Why "Radical"?

I chose this word because so many of us are conditioned to avoid saying what we really think.

This is partially adaptive social behavior; it helps us avoid conflict or embarrassment. But in a boss, that kind of avoidance is disastrous.

Why "Candor" and Not "Honesty"?

The key to getting everyone used to being direct when challenging each other (and you!) is emphasizing that it's necessary to communicate clearly enough so that there's no room for interpretation, but also humbly.

I chose "candor" instead of "honesty" because there's not much humility in believing that you know the truth.

Implicit with candor is that you're simply offering your view of what's going on and that you expect people to offer theirs. If it turns out that in fact you're the one who got it wrong, you want to know.

At least I hope you want to know!

What Happens When Your Team Trusts You?

When people trust you and believe you care about them, they are much more likely to:

1. Accept and act on your praise and criticism
2. Tell you what they really think about what you are doing well and, more importantly, not doing so well
3. Engage in this same behavior with one another, meaning less pushing the rock up the hill again and again
4. Embrace their role on the team
5. Focus on getting results

Is Direct Feedback as Risky as You Think?

The most surprising thing about Radical Candor may be that its results are often the opposite of what you fear.

You fear people will become angry or vindictive; instead they are usually grateful for the chance to talk it through. And even when you do get that initial anger, resentment, or sullenness, those emotions prove to be fleeting when the person knows you really care.

As the people who report to you become more Radically Candid with each other, you spend less time mediating. When Radical Candor is encouraged and supported by the boss, communication flows, resentments that have festered come to the surface and get resolved, and people begin to love not just their work but whom they work with and where they work.

When people love their job, the whole team is more successful. The resulting happiness is the success beyond success.

Want More Ways to Build Trust With Your Team?

Practice the conversations you keep putting off. Say It Better, our Radical Candor conversation game.