Podcast

Podcast Episode 16: Take Feedback Like a Boss

Elisse Lockhart · Apr 18, 2017

Feedback helps you grow, right? So why is it so hard to take? Kim and Russ share their tips and techniques for what to do after you get feedback.

Listen to the episode:

In This Week's Episode

Taking feedback well is tricky -- it's completely natural to have a defensive reaction when someone tells you how you can improve. In today's episode, Kim and Russ offer advice for getting past that defensive reaction to encourage more feedback and get more out of it.

Russ starts with a behind-the-scenes of the podcast story. He was telling a story during a previous recording that ended up playing to common gender stereotypes. Kim gave him feedback during the recording, but Russ had a defensive, threat response reaction. He realized this and wished he had reacted differently.

Russ mentions how good Kim is at taking feedback well, how quickly she can get over a defensive reaction and get to the good stuff. Kim chalks it up to Granny Alice and tells a story about advice Granny Alice gave her as a child. Kim decided early on to learn from feedback and use it to become a better human being.

This episode also talks about what to do if you disagree with feedback you've been given. "Reward the Candor" means showing you appreciate that the person told you what they think, but that doesn’t mean you have to accept it. Kim and Russ give advice for how to show you Care Personally and Challenge Directly in this circumstance. Take some time to reflect and find a piece of the feedback you agree with.

What is it that I’m doing that’s causing him to think this? Where is this coming from?

Recognize the part that you agree with, and explain why you disagree with the rest.

The Candor Checklist

The episode ends, as always with tangible tips you can use right away. Here are some ways to start taking feedback like a boss:

Tip 1: Remind yourself that feedback is a gift.

Tip 2: Ask for feedback 1-2 times per week.

Tip 3: Don't get mad, get curious.

Tip 4: Schedule a time when you're going to follow up.

Get the details on these tips by listening to the episode.

Related Resources

We've got a bunch of great articles and another podcast episode that talk about getting feedback. Check these out!

In the episode, we also introduced a survey -- we'd love to learn more about you, our listeners! If you have a couple of minutes to help us out, please take the survey here.

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FAQs

Why is it so hard to take feedback even when you know it helps you grow?

It's hard because receiving feedback triggers a natural threat response in the brain — your instinct is to get defensive, not curious. This is completely normal. The key is recognizing that defensive reaction in the moment so you can choose a different response. Kim and Russ discuss how awareness of the reaction is the first step toward getting past it and actually benefiting from what someone is trying to tell you.

What does it mean to 'Reward the Candor' when you disagree with feedback?

Rewarding the Candor means showing genuine appreciation that someone was honest with you — even if you don't agree with what they said. You don't have to accept the feedback wholesale. Instead, take time to reflect, find the piece of the feedback you can agree with, acknowledge it, and then calmly explain why you see the rest differently. This approach demonstrates both Care Personally and Challenge Directly, the twin pillars of Radical Candor.

How can I get better at taking feedback well?

Kim and Russ offer four concrete tips: (1) Remind yourself that feedback is a gift — it exists to help you improve. (2) Ask for feedback one to two times per week to normalize the experience. (3) Don't get mad, get curious — ask yourself what behavior is causing the other person's perception. (4) Schedule a specific follow-up time so the feedback doesn't just disappear. Practicing these habits consistently makes receiving feedback feel less threatening over time.

What should I do if I disagree with feedback I've been given?

Start by resisting the urge to push back immediately. Instead, ask yourself: 'What am I doing that's causing this person to think this?' Look for even a small part of the feedback you can genuinely agree with, and acknowledge it. Then, once you've reflected, explain clearly and calmly why you see the rest of it differently. This approach keeps the relationship strong and encourages the other person to keep being candid with you in the future.

How often should I ask for feedback?

Kim and Russ recommend asking for feedback one to two times per week. Asking regularly does two things: it signals to the people around you that you genuinely want to improve, and it makes feedback feel like a normal, ongoing conversation rather than a high-stakes event. The more you normalize asking, the more comfortable both you and your colleagues become with candid, constructive exchanges.

What role does curiosity play in taking feedback well?

Curiosity is the antidote to defensiveness. When you get feedback that stings, shifting your mindset from 'I'm being attacked' to 'I wonder what's behind this?' changes everything. Ask yourself what behavior might be causing the other person's perception. This curious stance helps you extract useful information even from feedback that feels unfair or incomplete, and it makes the person giving the feedback feel heard and respected.

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