Podcast Episode 16: Take Feedback Like a Boss

It's hard because receiving feedback triggers a natural threat response in the brain — your instinct is to get defensive, not curious. This is completely normal. The key is recognizing that defensive reaction in the moment so you can choose a different response. Kim and Russ discuss how awareness of the reaction is the first step toward getting past it and actually benefiting from what someone is trying to tell you.

Rewarding the Candor means showing genuine appreciation that someone was honest with you — even if you don't agree with what they said. You don't have to accept the feedback wholesale. Instead, take time to reflect, find the piece of the feedback you can agree with, acknowledge it, and then calmly explain why you see the rest differently. This approach demonstrates both Care Personally and Challenge Directly, the twin pillars of Radical Candor.

Kim and Russ offer four concrete tips: (1) Remind yourself that feedback is a gift — it exists to help you improve. (2) Ask for feedback one to two times per week to normalize the experience. (3) Don't get mad, get curious — ask yourself what behavior is causing the other person's perception. (4) Schedule a specific follow-up time so the feedback doesn't just disappear. Practicing these habits consistently makes receiving feedback feel less threatening over time.

Start by resisting the urge to push back immediately. Instead, ask yourself: 'What am I doing that's causing this person to think this?' Look for even a small part of the feedback you can genuinely agree with, and acknowledge it. Then, once you've reflected, explain clearly and calmly why you see the rest of it differently. This approach keeps the relationship strong and encourages the other person to keep being candid with you in the future.

Kim and Russ recommend asking for feedback one to two times per week. Asking regularly does two things: it signals to the people around you that you genuinely want to improve, and it makes feedback feel like a normal, ongoing conversation rather than a high-stakes event. The more you normalize asking, the more comfortable both you and your colleagues become with candid, constructive exchanges.

Curiosity is the antidote to defensiveness. When you get feedback that stings, shifting your mindset from 'I'm being attacked' to 'I wonder what's behind this?' changes everything. Ask yourself what behavior might be causing the other person's perception. This curious stance helps you extract useful information even from feedback that feels unfair or incomplete, and it makes the person giving the feedback feel heard and respected.