Most people will try to wriggle out of the conversation. They probably didn’t see your question coming, and so they feel immediately wary. “Really everything is fine,” they may insist.
Their discomfort will make you feel uncomfortable, and you may find yourself reassuring them by nodding and offering an “I’m glad to hear that.” Don’t do this. It’s essential that you prepare yourself for these scenarios in advance and commit to sticking with the conversation until you have a genuine response.
After asking for feedback, stop talking and “embrace the discomfort.” People will feel uncomfortable about answering your question and giving you feedback.
Don’t let them off the hook to try to make them feel better. Instead, count to 7 and commit to allowing the other person to speak first. When it’s clear you’re not going to break the silence, the other person will speak up to fill the silence. It will be easier for them to say something than to say nothing.
If that doesn’t work, try asking the person to come back to you the next day with some specific suggestions for you.
(This post was updated Aug. 2, 2022)
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