One of the things that I had to confront when I wrote the follow-up to…
I feel like I don’t find that many opportunities where I can give someone constructive feedback. Am I just ignoring things? How often should one be doing this?
There is one rule of thumb that applies to criticism in general, but is especially good advice when you’re really busy and nerves are frayed. It’s best summed up by advice a friend’s godfather gave her at her wedding. “If it’s brown flush it down. If it’s yellow let it mellow.” She got married on an island with a poor septic system, and this was a sign by all the toilets. But as her godfather said, “These are words to live by. If there’s a big stinking problem talk about it before it fouls your relationship. But if it’s a small thing, let it go.”
You don’t need to nitpick every little thing, but if you see something that matters, tell the person.
If you want to set a specific goal, try praising someone 3-4 times a week and giving them 1 piece of criticism. And remind yourself not to repress feedback – give it immediately.
Here’s my full answer to this question: